Apple Pie

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Sometimes It’s just good to stay in and meditate on apple pie and not worry about the complicated nature of things. Trust your instincts in the moment. Don’t get wound up and frustrated about things. Walk away if you don’t like what’s going down. Don’t let yourself be disrespected. You can see the worminess of people who know they’ve done you wrong but want to come crawling back. It’s kind of entertaining anyway. You allow it, or not. Up to you. Forgiveness is a thing afterall. Besides, one day it might be you. It’s a different way to just move on, or “move forward”, if you prefer, as in “move forward with your life”. I think it’s important not to remain stagnant. I find sometimes it is easy for me to get caught up in other people. Like my loves. Is it physical addiction? Do I truly enjoy their company? Is it leading? Is it following? Do I respect them? Do I listen?

Whatever the situation, it distracts me from myself and my own inner dialogue and most importantly, it distracts me from what I need to do to move my life forward.

That’s annoying. Really, I’m just getting annoyed with myself for allowing it.

Some people say it isn’t good to have boundaries. Boundaries are different than walls. Walls are some kind of rudimentary protective measure. Boundaries are you defining what is okay and not okay with you in a relationship. I suppose you can respect walls, but you definitely need to respect boundaries. Whether you are respecting your own or someone else’s walls or boundaries, you are building trust. Do you trust yourself? Are you strong enough to defend your boundaries while still letting people inside your walls?

I want to be like Wilson, the 6 month old watermelon that resides in the media hole on my shelf in my kitchen. I picked him up the other day figuring it was time to throw him out. He was rock solid. Probably mush on the inside. That’s not why I want to be like him though. When I think about watermelons I think about that luscious sweet interior that hides within the tough rind. Sometimes the rind is bitter. But sometimes the rind is cool and clean tasting, like cucumber. I want to be like that: cool, clean and lusciously sweet on the inside.

Don’t worry, I realize I can’t keep Wilson “the trust watermelon”  forever. Eventually, Linus grows up and has to give up his blankie. Or not – he is a cartoon, I guess. Bad example. Before you know it, I will be saying I want to be like Linus because he’s a cartoon … and that would be dull… trapped in a two dimensional world for my whole of existence… which would be forever like a vampire of the celluloid and digital reproduction sort.

Just home from a night out. Pie cooled and beautiful sitting on the island. Perfectly browned. The perfect mix of hawaiin salt in crust and sweet buttery bourbon on melted green apple on the inside … This. … This is all the matters now.

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