The Light

Was super excited when it was 3:30 in the afternoon and it wasn’t dark out anymore. I had just woken up from a nap. Only a few hours sleep the night before, but still the nap was light. Just couldn’t sleep. When I did finally fall asleep I had crazy dreams. Almost felt like I’d been sweating in my sleep they were so fierce, but when I opened my eyes there was nothing.

Were they bicycles or motor bikes? Was it a carnival or circus? I think I was a little kid in the dream. I remember looking up into a face of a man with longer hair, kinda wavy, dark and he had dark eyes. The memory is a little blurry. The dream felt real like a flashback to a real memory. Maybe I blocked this person out of my subconscious somehow. Maybe I knew him from a past life. Or a future life.

My imaginings went on and on. I wanted all the possibilities to be real.

For now, it time to work. Time to get up. Time to pay the bills and drink the coffee. Time to leave my imaginings behind while I go out and move my body through space and complete tasks and such. Luckily, the world I live in is actually pretty colorful. Especially now that the darkness is going away. Still, sometimes it gets cloudy, but now every day we we have more and more light earlier and earlier until summer. I always fear the  darkness just a little bit. I wonder if I will go into some kind of hibernation of sorts that I wont recover from. Then I watch myself become pale and lifeless, almost green.

I want the leaves to be green. I want the grass to be green. I don’t want my skin to be green. I struggle with my appearances enough as it is. Being a light shade of green really wouldn’t help my case.

I walked the dog the other day and peeking out from the snow were bright green leaves. Were the Crocus confused or was this a different plant? Looked quite bushy and full for Crocus leaves and there was a lot of it in this one little patch in the park. Just there. No where else. I felt pleased and yet sad at the same time for the poor confused hopeful plant. The dog and I just walked by. There wasn’t really anything to do about it. It is just nature after all and it will have to figure itself out as it always does.

Now it is night. I look up at the partly cloudy sky and see the clouds floating past the stars and moon. The same clouds that prevented me from seeing the sun and blue sky earlier. They don’t seem grey anymore when illuminated from behind by the white white moon and a few glimmering stars. Still, I will be happy if they just keep moving on their merry way in the darkness now while we sleep giving way to a warm, bright light in the morning when we will be one more day closer to summer.

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